Love and Marriage

Marriage

We all know the statistic that 50% of marriages end in divorce.  Hey, it's hard living with someone for a long time, it's hard putting someone before yourself, it's hard having to share, it's hard having to comprise. It's also hard being alone. 

Welcome to the wonderful world of marriage.  Many relationships start out where the couple is compatible, wants the same things, and is completely in love.  But over time things can change,  he wants something different, she wants something different, the children arrive and everything changes.  

Anyone that's been married for along time, say over 10 years,  knows that it can be a challenge.  The idiosyncratic traits that used to be cute are now annoying.  The playful teasing is now nagging. She's not the same, he's not the same.  We're just sick of each other.  Just plain tired. 

Take heart.  I often say that it would be hard to live with Jesus for 10 years let alone a mere mortal.   We have to keep this in mind and communicate with each other.  We are going to make mistakes, get on each other's nerves, change, and even fall down.  What we must do is talk, communicate, express ourselves.  If there is a problem, men will just shut down and women will chat with their friends. 

Talk, talk, talk.  And wait.  What you think you wanted or needed last week often passes, the trouble your relationship may be having gets resolved.  You need to be a little patient, ok a lot patient, and keep at it. 

And trying begins with kindness.  Kindness means caring.  It's often funny that we're nicer to strangers that we are to our own spouse or children.  Simple acts of kindness begin to unblock the communication channels and open up space for love to bloom. 

The other big factor in a successful marriage is memory.  Forget mistakes quickly, we all make plenty of them.  And as Shakespeare said, "to err is human to forgive divine".  We have to learn to forgive each other.  Living together with the challenges of raising children, managing a household, and maintaining a relationship are tough. 

So FORGIVE each other, forgive yourself and move forward.   Learn to take it easy, let things slide, have a sense of humor. 

All the Best,

Tom Kaufmann

Coach K

The Power of A Compliment

Power Talk

We see it everywhere in our society today.  Trash talk in sports, arguing in politics, social media abuzz with put downs. There is another way. 

Try a compliment.  Find something nice to say to someone in the family, to a stranger, to anyone you meet.  Even if you can't find the words,  a simple smile or a meeting of the eyes can be a powerful gesture acknowledging someone.

We we give a compliment, we in a way receive one also.  When we say something kind, we express the kindness within us, we acknowledge our connectedness.

Next time try a few kind words, a nice smile, or a simple glance you'll soon find how powerful you are. 

The Power of a compliment.

With Love,

Tom Kaufmann

Coach K

Love - John Wooden

LOVE

Love the quote from the great basketball coach John Wooden.

"The best thing a father can do for their kids is to Love their Mother"

How simple.  How powerful.  How true. 

And at times, how hard.  Couples have so many responsibilities but the most important is to simply love each other.  

When we take the time for that everything else seems to fall into place. 

With Love,

Tom Kaufmann

Coach K

Families: A House Divided Cannot Stand

How many times do we hear of issues with work, finances, health, and family. Yes, we all experience these challenges from time to time, or even all the time it seems! But we can overcome these obstacles. Yes, but it starts with our relationship with ourself and our spouse or partner.

Parents
If you are a single parent get help from a family member, friend, school, or other resource. The resources are out there and remember millions of other single moms and dads have raised loving, productive, successful children and You Can Too! Nothing will bring a sense of satisfaction and achievement in your life than helping your children succeed.

For the married couples, partners, and other couples it is important to be of one voice when it comes to raising your children. Yes, you will have differing opinions, you may argue, and you will disagree but that should be done respectfully and with love. You must agree that you first love one another, that you are working on the same goal when raising children to nurture, care, and love them so they can become loving, caring, productive citizens.

Children and Family
 First and foremost, we must agree that our love for the children is unconditional and that we are there for them no matter what. You will catch them when they fall and pick them up if necessary. For it is at these times,  when we truly learn what it is to be a parent, or a lover of children.  We know it is easy to love the straight A student, the child that does everything right, that listens, wins awards, and makes us feel good about ourselves. But the real work and joy is in helping the child that has lost their way, that needs our guidance, that needs our help even though we may think it is not deserved.

A United Strong House
So many times we see the relationship of the parents come between the well being of the children and the family.  We can agree to be more loving and kind to one another as parents, couples, and lovers. We can agree to love, nurture, and care for the children and family unconditionally.

When we don't agree on these principles, the house is divided. And a divided house cannot will not stand.  For your well being, our well being have a heart-to-heart talk and agree on some common goals for the marriage, the children, the family.  You will not on agree on everything but we can come to a some basic understandings that we love each other, care for each other, respect/civil to each other, and care for the children, and for our families.  Now we are United, and we know that a United house is strong and can withstand the winds and rain that enters all our lives from time to time.

Take Care of Your Own
Mama K was a single mom that would repeatedly tell her four boys, "Boys you stick together and take care of your own!" And when we didn't, she just broke a broom over our heads...funny! How true it is. When the family sticks together and takes care of its own you have a solid foundation for a strong house.

With Love,

Tom Kaufmann
Coach K
tkaufmanncoaching.com