Sissy

 Sissy

Sissy was like every girl

That dreamed of her Prince Charming

But then one day he up and left

And life became alarming

 

She had four boys

From nine to three

Now what was she to do 

The life that she had planned so carefully

Must now begin anew

 

The house the car the swimming pool

Right down to every letter

But that had all just gone away

And now only God knew better

 

She was bent

She was broken

How was she to know

That through her Faith

The Spirit worked

To help those young boys grow

 

The path was hard 

And full of doubt

At times no food or heat

But Sissy was committed now

And would never taste defeat

She begged and borrowed

Scratched and clawed

Whatever was required

Her boys came first

No matter what

Even when she tired

Mom loved hard 

And we would fight

She called us Dirty Dogs

But all along she was there just

Guiding us toward

The Light

With Love,

Coach K

Joyful

 Mallory Joy

Is one year old

With a smile

that betrays 

her heart of gold 

With eyes of blue

And porcelain skin

She lights up the room

With her cheerful grin

She laughs and giggles

As she waddles around

Her wings

Fluttering gently 

As she floats off of the ground

Our Joyful Angel

Sent from Heaven above

Has graced our family

And filled us with Love

With Love,

Coach K

Lenny

 Be A Giver

Lenny is a Giver.  Why is it that those with the least give the most.  My friends Reno and Jimmy who could not have children of their own helped raise over twenty children and directly impacted thousands of lives in the community. 

 

Lenny is loved by the Community and will give you the shirt off his back. Ask him for anything and he will find a way to help. you. He was honored by the town in a parade where everyone came out to cheer him. 

Lenny will do anything for a child and just the other day at the end of the school year a child came up to him and said Thank You for saying Hi to me every day you really made me feel special. 

Just those simple acts of kindness can make all the difference in a person's life. We should all try to be more like Lenny. 

How may we serve. 

With Love,

Coach K

Crazy Helen

Helen better known as Mom was just like any other young woman about to marry the love of her life and live happily ever after. And as the saying goes, God had other plans. Mom is a Fairmount girl from Philadelphia, PA.  The child of Howard Keel and Helen Gallagher she is the 4th child of five in a family of two sisters Kitty the oldest and Judy the youngest, and her older brothers Frank and Joe. Dad was the second child of Frank and Loretta Kaufmann and has an older sister Frances and younger brothers Joe and Johnny. 

She came from a working class family with Irish and German roots. She was the Princess of the family and and the favorite of Mom and Dad. She had dark black hair and striking blue eyes a resemblance to a young Elizabeth Taylor.  She spent Summers at the Wildwood beach in NJ and went to the local catholic Hallahan all girls school where she developed her deep faith and love of the Blessed Mother Virgin Mary. 

She fell in love with Tommy, a friend of her brothers who played basketball together in the little gym at the start of Boat House row on Kelly Drive in Fairmount Park. Kelly Drive is one of the most picturesque drives in Philadelphia as the road winds along the Schuykill River through Fairmount Park.  The park is one of the largest urban parks in the country and Kelly Drive is named after Princess Grace Kelly's brother John B. Kelly Jr. who was a champion of the city and an Olympic rower.  

Mom was a beautiful debutante and Tommy was a handsome athlete they fell in love were married in St. Francis' church and had wedding pictures in the park.  Mom wanted the nice house with the white picket fence while Dad just wanted to be one of the guys. The children came quickly in quick succession with Tommy, Frankie, Brian, better known as Irish twins, and the baby Chris to follow four years later.  The couple struggled financially bouncing around from apartments in Roxborough to a rental house in Chesnut Hill. Dad spent some time in the Army before being honorably discharged and landed a job as a package delivery driver for H&M in 1968. 

The family was on the rise as Mom helped Dad secure a VA loan that helped them buy their first house in 1970 on East 5th Ave for $10,000 in Conshohocken. The home was a tidy 3br/1bth twin home with a small yard backing up to an alley that we shared with the neighbors. The blue collar Alan Wood steel working town was home of many churches, bars, and four Catholic school's St. Matthew's, St. Cosmas & Damien, St. Mary's, and St. Gertrude's in West Conshy.  Conshohocken means Pleasant Valley in the native Lenape Indian tongue. The town is located about ten miles outside of Philadelphia and also rests on the Schuykill river. 

Conshohocken was indeed our Pleasant Valley with a town of ten thousand kids, parks, fields, and most of all right up the street The Fellowship House of Conshohocken. The Fel was a community center founded by it's first Director Albert C. Donofrio. The Fel was a place were the town children gathered to play basketball, kickball, volleyball, ping pong, board games, fooseball, and even chess.  The Fel was right up the block and we spent our childhood years with more time at the Fel than at home. 

So as the Kaufmann family prospered including a new Volkswagon Squareback station wagon to go with the new house, things began to deteriorate with Mom and Dad's relationship.  He always wanted to go back to be with his friends in Fairmount while Mom wanted to keep away from the bar scene.  Mom wanted the finer things in life and Dad just wanted the simple life with friends and family in Fairmount. Dad most likely struggled with mental illness which resulted in his Honorable discharge from the Army after only six months.

The young growing family struggled financially as Dad left his job at H&M in 1972 where he had worked for four years and things started to deteriorate quickly.  Dad would spend more time back home in Fairmount and Mom would grow frustrated and angry that she was home with four kids under the age of eight.  Dad left and never returned in 1973 and I distinctly remember being the 9 years old. Frank would be 8, Brian 7, and Chris 3.  That was a seminal moment in all of our lives. We were Fatherless.  How do you leave four boys and your true love within a matter of nine years. Heck Dad has his own basketball team! 

Children can bring great changes to any relationship and when you add in financial struggles, personality clashes, and ultimately one wanted to go in one direction while the other another, the relationship frays and the marriage ultimately ends.  Mom would ultimately make things work but it was a challenge for all of us after Dad left. She is our rock and salvation her unwavering faith and commitment to God and the Blessed Virgin Mother would see her and her children survive the challenge.  Mom became a Princess Warrior and would do anything to educate, feed, and discipline her children to ensure they became upstanding young men.  

But the most important choice she made was to STAY!  

Mom faced the challenges beat back the failure and disappointment. She begged and borrowed to ensure we had an excellent Catholic school education.  She wanted us to be gentlemen and not hooligans she reminded us that we were Lace Curtain Irish not Shanty Irish which is a reference to wanting the best for her boys.  She was determined to keep us on the right track and would scream, yell, and fight us to ensure we stayed on the right path. Like any family we had our ups and downs but we were resilient kids and raising four wiley boys as a single working mother would take an emotional toll on Mom.  

She struggled with her own issues at times like everyone raising children, but she perserved and we all prospered.  We were raised in the Faith and reflecting back on our time with Mom was that her unwavering faith and devotion was essential in helping her raise four loving boys that would go on to raise wonderful families of their own and all be good Fathers. 

Sometimes the easiest thing to do is to walk away and the hardest choice is to stay.  For all you Fathers out there make the right choice and stay it is the best decision you will ever make for when you children are grown you will be humbled with gratitude that with the Good Lord's blessing you raised your children and created your Masterpiece. 

God Bless!

With Love,

Coach K

Fathering

 The Importance of Fathers

Being a Father is the best "job" you will ever have.  The job is not easy but anything worthwhile entails sacrifice. We men are inherently selfish, we think the entire world revolves around us. OK that's not too far off.  

There is nothing in life you will do, achieve, or accomplish more important or gratifying than raising loving, caring, and productive children. Loving and teaching the children is the parents and Father's primary responsibility.  And as the great basketball coach John Wooden once said, that the best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. So true.  

Once the children are born our priorities shift. We know that marriages aren't perfect, but we must do our best and commit to each other and the children. One of the reasons younger people are hesitant to get married or have children is that so many have come from dysfunctional families. And while we can teach and lecture our children while they grow, we know that it goes in one ear and out the other. We also know that no matter what we say, they are always watching us. And our actions are more important than our words. 

One of the benefits of being raised by a single mother was learning the value of resiliency.  Despite the challenging times of no heat or lack of food, she was there for us. She simply stayed and did her best. Parents and fathers must keep their commitments our children and families our depending on us. 

And as you grow older and the dirty diapers and midnight feedings fade, you will enjoy the loving glow of being surrounded by your Lovebirds.  When I get to spend a few hours playing golf with my boys it is the most enjoyable thing in the world.  

Fathers need to get their priorities straight.  The big house, fancy car, and all the money in the world means nothing if your children and family are in tatters. Find a good partner, love them, and raise your children. 

Time is passing quickly and they will be adults in a blink of an eye.  And when your wonderful children turn into good adults, you will reflect for a moment and say, with God's help look what we created. You can do it and it will certainly be the best thing you ever accomplish. 

We have a wonderful example in Jesus. He made the ultimate sacrifice for his children,  and we are called to just be there for our children and do our best. Keep God close.  And remember with God all things are possible.  And as Jesus said, you can do all that I have done and more if you but believe. 

With Love,

Coach K

Hallows Eve - It's The Little Things

 My lovely daughter recounted a seemingly insignificant moment from her childhood some fourteen years ago.  She was 11 years old and it was the Hallows Eve, the night before Halloween, also known as Mischief night.  As someone with three brothers, we used to have some good natured fun, soaping car windows and tossing a few eggs. 

So we dressed in our best camo gear and ventured out to have a little fun at our neighbors house.  Hiding in the bushes we waited until the coast was clear and proceeded to decorate the trees and bushes with toilet paper.  She was so excited and thrilled that she shared the memory with me today.  It was good clean fun and the next morning I has to remove the beer cans from my mailbox. 

It's funny how these seemingly insignificant moments can really connect us and make those special memories.  Remember as you're raising the Lovebirds to teach them, love them, and most of all have a little fun and make a little mischief. 

With Love,

Coach K

Healing The Broken Family

Fatherless Families

How do we heal the broken family? We have high divorce rates of over 45% and single parent households with a proliferation of Fatherless Families. We must return to strong families and strong communities.  There is no government solution that will overcome a broken family. 

I have the experience of coming from a single parent household where Mom raised four boys by herself. Mom with the grace of God was able to rise to the challenge provide a good home and good Faith based education and we all were able to pay our way through school and raise well adjusted children of our own. 

Mom taught us the experience of how to be committed to our families and our children. She was our heroine.  She stood tall despite the adversity. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is just to stay when the easiest thing to do is leave. Time will pass and the days of changing dirty diapers and crying babies will soon be replaced by teenagers that are ready to launch on their own. 

And no one tells parents that the most rewarding thing a person can do is raise their children. Government programs like food stamps and welfare can help when a parent is stuck raising the children solo, but that is no replacement for a two parent household.  The evidence is clear that children of two parent households perform better on every metric.

One of the most important things we can do as a society is stay together and raise our children.  Humans are inherently selfish but once we decide to have children we must put aside our selfish ways. I often think we treat our pets better than our children or spouses. 

One of the necessary ingredients in building a family is optimism.  Who wants to have children in a negative world.  So many of our children and youth have been conditioned that the world is a bad place or have come from dysfunctional families so what's the point.  The gift of life is a blessing and having children is a natural and normal thing to do.  Children aren't for everyone of course but we need to encourage families. 

Babies have been born during World Wars, Depressions, Natural Disasters, Nuclear bombs, and for thousands of years. If we think about it for a minute, none of us one be here without parents deciding to have children. 

With Love,

Coach K

A Father's Love

Unconditional Love

One of my favorite quotes is from the poet Hafiz, 

"After all this time, the sun never looks at the moon and says you owe me"

The power of unconditional love is a universal energy that holds the universe together.  Jesus commanded us to "Love One Another As I have loved You". 

What is unconditional love? Loving no matter what the conditions. Loving without limit. Loving our fellow man. Loving the winners and losers, our friends and enemies. And as Lao Tzu said, to have a reverence for all living things." During the attempted assassination of the former president a gentlemen named Corey Comperatore was attending the rally just looking to enjoy the evening with his friends and family when gunfire reverberated throughout the crowd. 

Donald Trump was struck in the ear and fortunately the bullet just grazed his ear. The terror stricken crowd was scrambling for cover while the Secret Service tackled the ex president. Corey and and the other victims where not so fortunate. Corey a husband and father of two girls immediately jumped on his wife and daughter sheltering them from the bullets.

As the hysteria cleared, we learned that Corey a volunteer fireman and someone who served as Fire Chief in the Butler, PA community sacrificed his own life by covering his wife and daughter from the gunfire. An incredible act of bravery, courage, and selflessness. Corey lived the example of Jesus, who before he went to the cross instructed his disciples, 

"Greater love has no one than this; to lay down one's life for one's friends."

We as parents know the unconditional love we have for our children, even when they stumble and fall down we are always there to dust them off and pick them up. Corey inspired the world with the love he displayed that day.  Thank you Corey for living from your highest Christ realized self. 

You are a loving beacon for all of us. 

Godspeed!

With Love,

Coach K

Teach The Children Well

The Family

The educational environment has been extremely challenging the past few years as students and parents dealt with the pandemic, school closings, and remote learning. We all know how important good teachers and schools are to the development of our children. When you think about it our children spend as much time in school as they do with their families. And during these formative, impressionable young years, they can impact students lives in significant ways. 

And while good teachers and schools are essential to the development of our children, the education and development of our children is the primary responsibility of the parents. We are the first and foremost teachers of our children, it is our duty and obligation to raise loving, kind, self-sufficient, productive children that will will lead to fulfilling lives and be contributing members of society.  Yes, that's quite a responsibility!  And of all the challenges that parents have nothing is more sacred than raising your children well. 

One of the challenges is raising children today, is the emergence of single parent households. We know how hard it is to raise children with two parents, and I know firsthand the obstacles facing single mothers and single parents. The family unit has changed in a dramatic way over the past few decades.  In the 1980's, approximately 80% of children were born in a two parent family. Today, the number of two parent families is 60% and that figure is dramatically lower for certain ethnicity's. 

As we've shifted to a more materialistic and consumer based society, we've become more selfish and self absorbed. We see that the young generation is delaying marriage and deciding not to have children at all.  There is no social policy that will overcome broken families. We cannot rely on our schools or the government to raise our families. 

There is no greater responsibility or even moral imperative to raise our children and to quote the Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young song 

Teach them Well!

With Love,

Coach K

Parenting - Raising Wonderful Children

 Thoughts from Pop Pop

Pop always like to share his invaluable gems while enjoying a delicious homemade dinner from his lovely wife Nonna and sipping a little vino rosso.  

After raising three wonderful children, he shared some insight on how to be a good and thoughtful parent with a simple analogy - 

When planting a new tree, you have to straighten it when it is young

You must straighten the tree when it is young and flexible, once it grows to a certain age you cannot straighten a mature oak.  And so it is with our children, we have to teach them right from wrong and give them the proper discipline at a young age.  

Good parenting involves love, kindness, teaching, and of course discipline.  They need to learn at an early age proper behavior, and how to be thoughtful, considerate, young people that will grown into loving, independent, productive members of society. 

We need to be there for them and one of the best ways to help them be wonderful young children and wonderful adults is for us to be the wonderful examples that they can watch throughout their formative growing years. 

Yes, we can do it.  Our children our counting on us. 

With Love,

Coach K

Fatherless Nation

 Fathers and Families

There is an epidemic in the country and that is the dissolution of the Family.  As our families breakdown over divorce, separation, and the secularization of society, our children bear the brunt of our selfishness. 

We have become more selfish as a nation and a society.  This shift has been happening over the past few decades as divorce rates have skyrocketed.  Men are inherently more selfish as the woman is naturally more nurturing, but the selfishness is impacting everyone.  As our society has become more secular and God is playing a more diminished role, we have turned to consumerism, hedonism, and self interest as our primary motives and objectives in life.  My pleasure, my happiness, me, me, me.  This focus inward and on ourselves has resulted in broken families, broken children, and a broken society. 

We as Fathers and parents have a duty to raise loving, kind, productive, and self-sufficient children. One of the best ways to produce wonderful children is to stay married.  Marriage is not always easy and like anything worthwhile comes with challenges and hardships but the rewards are priceless. 

Marriage and raising children is one of those endeavors that while we're in it can seem daunting and unmanageable at times. But one thing we know for sure, time is passing quickly and the kids won't always be in diapers or need a bottle every few hours.  The challenges of today will seem like mere stepping-stones tomorrow. And as your marriage and children grow, your experience and hard earned wisdom will help you guide the family 

And as your children blossom into adulthood, you will look back and long for the days when you could hold them in your arms, hug them, protect them, and gladly do it all over again. When you gather around the table and take a moment to give thanks for the blessings in your life, you will be awestruck by what you helped create.  For you will realize that nothing in your life will ever exceed the astounding miraculous achievement of a wonderful family and that being a Father is the greatest blessing and honor you will ever have. God Bless the family.

With Love,

Coach K

Raising Lovebirds

 Connecting

Being raised in the Faith from a young age we learned about Jesus and God and all the wonderful stories of the Bible. And while we learned the lessons of our youth, we tried to put those teachings of love, kindness, treating your neighbor as yourself, generosity, charity, and forgiveness into action. 

A noble undertaking for anyone child or adult.  And as we grow and get absorbed in everyday life going to school, starting our careers and families, we get immersed in the material world, as Lao Tzu said, "the world of 10,000 things. We're busy acquiring wealth and all of our wonderful toys, and raising our beautiful children and families.

When we get the Lovebirds get a little more independent and begin to leave the nest we start to reflect on our family life together and all the wonderful times.  We gain a little wisdom and perspective in understanding what really is important.  We have not bigger responsibility, duty, or honor that raising children.  They are God's greatest gift! 

The most satisfying achievement in life is raising loving, kind, productive, self sufficient children that can go out into the world and make a better life for themselves and the community. 

And for all the parents raising and loving your children is the most important "career" we will ever have.  Your children come first love them, teach them, be an example for them, and simply BE there for them.  All the money in the world will not substitute for your time and attention. And at the end of the day the material stuff doesn't really matter it's just ultimately dust.  But the love of your family and children are forever are timeless. 

Seek not the treasures of this world but the Kingdom of Heaven.  And loving your family and  children is Heaven. 

As we get older and see the world with more wisdom.  We realize that all the striving in our younger years while important is not all important.  An important distinction.  Many of us were raised with loving supportive parents in a nurturing environment, and care share that with others and when we start our own families. But be mindful of others that have not have that luxury of familial love and reach to them and show them that they too are loved. 

As the children are raised and are going out into the world to find their love, passion, and joy, we begin to reflect on what's truly important on what it means to live a life "Well Lived".  You love them, you nurture them, you are there for them.  And so we are taught that it is with God and his children and when we acknowledge and know that we can live in peace and go out and put into practice all those wonderful lessons we learned as a child. 

For a person that loves and is loved truly has everything. 

With Love,

Coach  K

The Family

Family

Just came across a US News article reporting that upwards of 40% of U.S. children are born outside of marriage in single parent households.  Understanding that many are consciously choosing to have children outside of wedlock, while others are having children where the one parent is responsible for providing and caring for the child place a tremendous strain on the household. 

Without commenting on the benefits of marriage, government policy, or how statistics can be massaged, can we all agree that children in two parent households are more likely to be well adjusted, productive citizens.  We know that families with two parents have higher incomes, higher educations, and more opportunities. The benefits of having a mother and father actively involved in the raising of children is essential.  

How can we maintain and improve the family structure in our era of individuality, selfishness, and instant gratification.  More patience, more understanding, more education, more love.

http://www.usnews.com/news/newsgram/articles/2013/05/06/census-bureau-links-poverty-with-out-of-wedlock-births

With Love,

Coach K

Tom Kaufmann

CoachKaufmann.com

The Mud Streak

We have 3 children and when they were younger the boys would play football in the backyard with their friends.  I remember looking out one afternoon at the patch of mud running the length of the yard and getting frustrated about the destruction of our beautiful grass.

I then came across a great quote that I keep handy when dealing with our little lovebirds.  One day the wife looks out at the backyard and says to the husband, "did you see what the boys did to the grass?"

The husband smiles looks at his wife lovingly and says,  remember honey we're raising boys not grass"

Love that quote.  The boys are older, they don't play football in the back yard any more and guess what, the grass has grown back to a lush green. 

We have to remember they are only kids once, let them play, let them romp, let them have fun, let them enjoy.

Boy, I do miss that mud streak. 

With Love,

Tom Kaufmann

Coach K

10 Lessons From Dad

10 Lessons From Dad

1. Know that your Mom and Dad love you very much.  We love you unconditionally.  That means when you do well and when you screw up.  The best thing we ever accomplished or will ever achieve in life is having you as children and being parents.  Nothing else even comes close.

2. You are special.  Not better than anyone. Special, unique.  You have been given the gift of life. You all have unique talents that you will uncover as you go through life.  Your key to happiness is to develop those talents, use those talents, and share those talents. Your talents are usually linked to the things you like, the things you enjoy.

3. Treat yourself and everyone you meet with love, kindness, and respect.  It's easy to do this with nice people such as family and friends, but can be a challenge to strangers or especially those that are mean and rude.  We are part of the same human race and everyone should be treated with dignity.  You don't need to take abuse, and you need to defend yourself, but the easiest and best thing to do is remove yourself from the situation.

4. Be nice.  Being nice to others solves many challenges in life. When you have a chance to help someone do it.  Sometimes all that is needed is a smile and a look that says you care. Yes, you will encounter jerks, maybe they are having a bad day.  Don't let them make you become a jerk.  Send them a silent thought of encouragement and go on your way.

5.  Be Giving.  Give of your time, energy, talents, joy, money, hope, and encouragement.  The world needs good people. You are good people. Share the love.

6.  Take care of each other and lend a helping hand to others when you can.  Grandma K always told us to stick together and to take care of your own.  I know it's hard to imagine between the bickering over computers, food, the shower, and the toilet seat that you are the best friends you will ever have in your lives.  As you grow older, remember to stay in touch with one another and help each other in good times and bad.

7.  Believe in yourself.  Self confidence is one of the most important traits to have.  Believe in what you are doing, find people that support you, and will help you.  Seek good advice and then make your own decision, it's your life.  And remember Dad is always here for you.

8.   Be adventurous.  Life is fun.  Go out and experience life, do things, visit places, make friends.  Be more interested in experiencing all the wonderful things life has to offer.  Focus less on acquiring material things that will be out of style, broken, or forgotten before you have finished paying the bill.

9.  Live beneath your means.  Not to be confused with low expectations.  Pay yourself first.  Try to save at least 10% of what you earn and ideally 20%.  Save your money it will give you flexibility in life.  Try to buy assets or things that go up in value.  All the cars, clothes, and electronics you buy today are worthless in a few years. Try and pay cash for everything.  No car loans or even mortgages. Don't try and keep up with your friends who have the nice watch, fancy car, and sharp clothes.  Be true to yourself, know yourself, and be comfortable with your style.

10 Keep the faith.  Develop your spirituality.  We are spirits living in a physical body.  Get to know God, talk with him, ask him for help on your journey.  Trust your intuition.  Take care of your body, eat good food and drink water.  Develop a sense of peace in your life and try and maintain that sense that all will be well.  Be good, do good.  And remember to feel good is to feel God.

 All my Love,

Dad

How to Be a Dad?

Parenting is the greatest responsibility many of us will have in our lifetimes. We all know parenting is not always easy but the rewards far outweigh the tough spots.

When I reflect on my 16 years of fatherhood and in growing up for the most part without my own father being present, I think the most important thing for any parent and father to do is to be there. Yep, simple show up and be a Dad present and active in their everyday lives.  Sounds simple but how many us find it hard to be there for our children.

Being a Dad, means of course loving our children unconditionally, it means being there for them at all times, teaching them, listening to them, and learning from them. One of the key roles a Dad has is also saying NO to them, as a father/mother we are the heads of the family, we are the boss. We set the rules, guidelines, and examples for the family to follow.  I find it interesting how some families say we can't say no to Billy or Susy because we don't want to disappoint them or make them unhappy.

We were all kids once and if left to our own devices would have spent everyday eating candy for breakfast and watching TV all day.  One of the most important aspects of being Dad/Mom is to set limits and to say No.  Yes, it is tough being unpopular with your son or daughter when you don't think it's a good idea that they want to hang out at the mall on Saturday night or on Facebook for 3 hours straight, but that's parenting.

Came across a great quote by Howard Hunter, "the best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother".

We know as parents that we say the same things over and over again hoping it sinks in and that they get the lesson.  I try to remember that they may not always hear or listen but they are ALWAYS watching.

Let's try and be there for our kids, to love them, to be a good example, and to love their mother.

With Love,

Tom Kaufmann
Coach K
tkaufmanncoaching.com

Catch Them Doing Something Right!

In our world of 24 hour media coverage and the continual feed of negative news, it is important to turn down the volume or better yet turn it off as we work on achieving our dreams. The continuous stream of low energy stories from the latest crime, corruption, scandal, and economic hardship leaves us gasping for air, throwing our hands up and thinking why bother?

When we find ourselves becoming cynical, critical, and finding fault in ourselves and others it is time to make a shift. Often times it happens slowly and builds up over time, the drip drip drip of negativity in our lives winds up creating a hole that we now find ourselves.

The good news is that we can easily climb out of the hole and get back on the path of positivity, of optimism, of enjoying the good life.  Just like we wouldn't continually eat fast food everyday without suffering the health consequences, we must also do the same for our emotional and spiritual well being. We need to seek out beauty, rekindle friendships, treat ourselves our friends and family with the love, nurturing, and caring they deserve.  For when we give these things away they must be returned to us.

And so it is with our children, spouses, partners, friends, and coworkers in our society with are so quick to find fault, to criticize, to diss, and to put someone else down perhaps with the intention of building up our own shaky egos.  But resist the temptation to judge others and to tell them how wrong they are, most of us know when we make a mistake when we are in the wrong we don't need someone pointing it out. And many times it is just a matter of opinion any way.

Next time replace the criticism with a compliment, even if you have to look hard to find one.  Especially, with our children and families lavish them with praise, congratulations, and "job well dones".  Instead of always pointing out how their rooms are messy and nagging them, congratulate them on excellent grades, helping their sibling, or for simply giving their best effort.  Nothing is more dispiriting than to continually get berated and criticized despite our best efforts.

Yes, there are teaching moments and times when we can agree to disagree but it can be done in a harmonious nurturing way. We all know and remember the people in our lives that taught us valuable lessons but did so without putting us down or criticizing, instead they pointed out our shortcoming showed us a better way and patted us on the back when we did it right the next time.

Next time we find ourselves ready to pounce when someone does something we don't agree with, let it pass and wait for the opportunity to praise and congratulate.

Catch Them Doing Something Right.

With Love,

Tom Kaufmann
Coach K
tkaufmanncoaching.com

You Fill My Bucket Mattison Ave Elementary

Had the pleasure of visiting the 3rd graders at Mattison Ave elementary in Ambler, Pa just last week and wow what a special place.  The purpose of the visit was to share a "You Are Special Program" that we created for children and adults alike.  I have had the pleasure of mentoring third graders at the school for the past two years, my wife Lisa attended the very same school as a kindergartner 37 years ago, and I remember my first visit where I saw Henry David Thoreau and Lou Holtz quotes on the walls, including one of school's many inspiring mottos "You Fill My Bucket".  That was the first time I heard the saying and thought it was just terrific.

I was there to tell them how special they all are, how they each have special gifts and talents, and while we are each unique individuals with fingerprints, DNA, and voices, we also have this knowing that we are connected by the human spirit. That we are this one dynamic divine organism known as human beings.  Connected like trees in the forest, water in the ocean, and air in the sky.

The Beauty of Children
The beauty of most children is that they already have a keen sense of how special they are, when I asked the class to fill in the blank You Are _______ they enthusiastically responded Terrific! Wonderful! Spectacular! I told the class that my word needed some oomph! compared to the descriptions they provided. How true children inherently know how special they truly are we just seem to forget as we get older.

I proceed to share my "special" talents of dribbling a basketball, standing on my head, playing the guitar, and singing a song inspired by Mattison Ave called "You Fill My Bucket".  When I finished sharing my particular talent, a child would come up and proudly show their stuff. When I asked the class to share we had gymnasts, athletes, artists, lego engineers, musicians, dancers, plenty of double jointed displays, even a display of shaking eye pupils...literally! When I stood on my head, the children instinctively were concerned for my well being with yelps of "he's turning red!" I shared with the class that my new found balancing skills were a recent discovery with the practice of yoga.

Our Many Talents
As we all know we are blessed with inherent talents like Mozart and the Piano, but many others are there to be mined to be discovered. The simple act of balancing of my head was a skill I neither thought or cared about but after practicing by leaning against walls/doors (supposed benefits of blood circulating to head) I eventually was able to balance on my own.  How many other latent secret talents do we all have just waiting to be discovered, and that's what I shared with the children. There are countless talents, skills, abilities just waiting to be uncovered, learned, and shared.  That is the beauty, adventure, and essence of this wonderful thing called life.

A Clue
Of course, there are so many wonderful talents and paths to pursue how do we choose, how do we know which is right for us. The easy is answer is that we are not sure, but a clue is doing things we love, things we enjoy. Being open to the wonder and possibility of life, and if I try something and it's not my cup of tea, that's OK on to the next adventure.  Children intuitively understand this they are willing to try, experiment, and learn new things, and in many ways we can all benefit by being childlike in our approach to life.

I love going to talk to schools and students because of course I get more out it than the children, I leave thinking that the USA and the world are in good hands with these capable bundles of joy.

The day was a warm sunny Monday, spring was in the air, and after about 40 minutes of fun the children were getting restless so I broke out the guitar and started strumming and singing "You Fill My Bucket" they started giggling because they heard the phrase many times and when I asked the children to join in we had a chorus reverberating throughout the school and hopefully the community singing "You Fill My Bucket, You Fill My Bucket!"


Fill My Bucket.mp3

With Love,


Coach K