Love and Marriage

Marriage

We all know the statistic that 50% of marriages end in divorce.  Hey, it's hard living with someone for a long time, it's hard putting someone before yourself, it's hard having to share, it's hard having to comprise. It's also hard being alone. 

Welcome to the wonderful world of marriage.  Many relationships start out where the couple is compatible, wants the same things, and is completely in love.  But over time things can change,  he wants something different, she wants something different, the children arrive and everything changes.  

Anyone that's been married for along time, say over 10 years,  knows that it can be a challenge.  The idiosyncratic traits that used to be cute are now annoying.  The playful teasing is now nagging. She's not the same, he's not the same.  We're just sick of each other.  Just plain tired. 

Take heart.  I often say that it would be hard to live with Jesus for 10 years let alone a mere mortal.   We have to keep this in mind and communicate with each other.  We are going to make mistakes, get on each other's nerves, change, and even fall down.  What we must do is talk, communicate, express ourselves.  If there is a problem, men will just shut down and women will chat with their friends. 

Talk, talk, talk.  And wait.  What you think you wanted or needed last week often passes, the trouble your relationship may be having gets resolved.  You need to be a little patient, ok a lot patient, and keep at it. 

And trying begins with kindness.  Kindness means caring.  It's often funny that we're nicer to strangers that we are to our own spouse or children.  Simple acts of kindness begin to unblock the communication channels and open up space for love to bloom. 

The other big factor in a successful marriage is memory.  Forget mistakes quickly, we all make plenty of them.  And as Shakespeare said, "to err is human to forgive divine".  We have to learn to forgive each other.  Living together with the challenges of raising children, managing a household, and maintaining a relationship are tough. 

So FORGIVE each other, forgive yourself and move forward.   Learn to take it easy, let things slide, have a sense of humor. 

All the Best,

Tom Kaufmann

Coach K